Orange Forest

Life...

2012-02-10T05:45:00.002-08:00

As usual today I got up real early and bathed, following that my father sent me to school. On the way I saw the usual scenery but today it seemed different. The mist upon the empty grass patch that secluded the dense forest behind. It lead me to think what was life. It was totally random but a forest is the origin of life. So it kept me thinking. What could Life be?

Life.

It's a really amazing thing how just 2 microscopic cells created and formed what I am today. It's simply amazing how they multiply and form our limbs, organs and tissues. So then what is Life? I guess Life is relative to how each person depicts their life as. To an ordinary person on the street, Life could mean Money, Love, Care, Sex etcetra. However to others Life may not be as simple as this seems. You see, Life is very vague. It covers everything from emotions to physicalities.

Life is mystical.

You would always question how you were born.

You would always question why was your soul and mind placed in this body of yours.

You would always question why does it always turns against you.

Life isn't some some force to be reckoned with. It is a gift from God. It is an un-explainable miracle and wonder. Life is a blessing that is given to us. We were bestowed the power of Life so that we may breathe the pure oxygen ale that He has given to us. So that we may live life according to His plan. Of corse some may not agree with the religeous stuff.

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People? Because there is really no such thing as Justice in this world.

It is an illusion. A myth. A fairy tale. Life really isn't fair. The question is, why do you think it's supposed to be? Who started that idea? Job? The people who tried to put a good face on beating people up by inventing the Queensbury Rules? We don't know.

Justice sounds like a good idea because it sort of equalizes the pain. I get hurt, so you get hurt in return. Well there's more ocean than land, more roaches than roach motels, and more salesmen than prophets. Things just aren't meant to be equal. Suffering and happiness are not weights in some cosmic Martha Stewart food scale, their relative proportion is completely unpredictable, just get over it.

Here's the deal. Tragedy may be unequal, but it isn't random. Yes, there is a meaning, we're giving a bit away early here. Bad things usually happen to forcefully slap us out of whatever stupor we are in at the time. We are supposed to start questioning our beliefs. We are supposed to figure out what is and what is not important to us. People usually don't change unless they feel sufficient pain to overcome their natural resistance to change. Change takes energy. Nothing energizes like tragedy.

Of course, if people don't get the hint and continue to imitate deer staring into the headlights of destiny, well, that's their lookout. Do not get mad at God/the universe/insert your cosmic principle here. Do what you're supposed to do, pick your ass up off the ground and try again. Nobody likes a crybaby.

You can't get out of it by going limp and giving up. That usually makes it worse. Athletes must tolerate a certain level of pain to reach their goals. You are no different.

As for the injustice of loved ones getting killed, etc., that has its own purpose. Don't ask unanswerable questions about other people; you've got enough to worry about with your own situation. If you get tragically killed, then you'll understand. Until then, forget it.We have been criticized about the callous nature of this page. For people who have recently lost family members, etc., this little diatribe can sting. However, the message is still true even for them. Life is very unfair, but like chemotherapy, it does the job.

So then people would say what is the best solution. Since there is no justice, how can we live peacefully and happily?

To tell you the truth, I don't know. But all I know is this.

You HAVE to decide for yourself to be happy or not.

Yep. Isn't that aggravating? You can't blame it on anyone else, and no one else can do a thing for you. You've just got to decide to be happy, whether or not your logical mind thinks it is rational to be happy and whether or not your moral sense thinks you deserve to be happy. You absolutely will not be happy for any length of time until you decide to, and if you decide to, you can be happy in the face of the most miserable circumstances.

Well enough said about life. Im like writing a whole compo on this topic that came to me randomly this morning...

Okay so anyway I was talking to my friend this morning and he too was contemplating happiness. You see he has a girlfriend and is really thinking about whether this makes both of them happy. He told me a story that I really felt like sharing.

One day, God made 4 men without elbows and placed them in a manger with scrumptious food at the table. As each of them tried to eat, none of them could as their hands were too far away from the mouth.

The first person said, " God must be very stupid, or He is not all-powerful. Because if God were smart, He would have known that we need elbows to eat; and if He were powerful, He would have been able to make them."

The second said, "Look around at the trees, the mountains, the oceans, the sun, and the whole universe. God must certainly be all-knowing to have thought up all of this. And he must be all-powerful to create it all. The truth must be that God is mean and selfish and filled with anger and revenge. And that is why we have to suffer."

Now the third guy said, "Stop! You just admitted that God must be all-powerful. But what is the most positive power that exists in the world? Of course, it is love. So if God exists, He must be all-powerful. And if He is all-powerful, He must be all-loving. Therefore, because we are suffering, God must not exist."

Therefore with this mentality in mind, they realized how cruel and brutal life was and how God did not care about them. In the end they starved to death.

The question now is, WHY DO WE SUFFER? The answer is quite simple actually. People nowadays suffer more than our parents generation as back then, they actually understood life and had a reason to suffer and die for. Now, people don't even know what they are going to do with their lives, let alone what to die for. And how true it is. The worst kind of suffering is when you suffer, and you really don't know why you are suffering. This kind of suffering eventually leads people to depression and turn violent and self-violent. Well then in order not to suffer we have to find meaning in life.

Find something to be happy for. Now again there are 4 levels of happiness in my experience.

Level 1 is physical pleasure and possession of material things. Its all about gaining physical gratification through fulfillment of the five senses. This level of happiness is good as we need to take care of our physical needs or else we would die. But human beings can make the mistake of choosing Happiness 1 as their final happiness. We can believe that physical pleasure and the possession of material things is the most important thing about life, and is what makes life worth living. If we do this, we quickly become bored. We lose a sense of self-esteem. We feel like we are living beneath ourselves. We are not happy. And when we suffer, we believe that suffering is meaningless. For example someone could just be satisfied for the life to just have sex everyday or to own 10 Louis Vuitton Wallets? This level of happiness is good but should not be made your end goal.

Level 2 is ego-gratification. It's the awesome feeling when you feel good about yourself. For example when people admire you for the things you do. However although this is also good, it should not be made your final goal of happiness and this will lead to anxiety and fear of losing happiness.

Level 3 is your contribution to others. We feel a deep immense joy when we make a great impact on other people's lives for the better. For example doing CIP work overseas. However we want eternal happiness. Which is where level 4 comes in.

Happiness 4 is faith and participation in the unconditional love of God. It is believing that there is such a thing as perfect, absolute, ultimate, infinite, unconditional, and eternal Truth, Love, Goodness, and Justice. It is learning that these things can only be found in God, and that God loves us so much, that He wants us to be a part of that Love forever. If we truly believe that this is our "telos," our end, then we know what it means to be human.

A human being is a physical and spiritual being, created by God, whose final goal is to find happiness by accepting the perfectly unconditional love of God for all eternity, and by giving ourselves away in love to others (even when this requires suffering).

OMG ANYWAY I HAVE TO END MY LIFE ESSAY HERE IF NOT I HAVE NO MORE TIME TO TYPE OUT MY DAY GOSH!

So anyway, I thought about life the whole day which was pretty much why everyone was asking me why was I so down. My answer is simple. Deep thought :) So I've been thinking do I have faith to understand unfailing love? I do not know.So anyway my teachers today were quite pissed off too.

English; we did not complete summary.

Chinese; we did not complete compo.

Elect Geog; Jeremy was being an ass in class again.

Ms LamPa; Well she's always pissed.

Omg you know today ALL the teachers were like complimenting me -_- like wts. Even tht LamPa go take my book and put on visualiser Because I completed my work quickly and efficiently. SO EMBARRASSING :D hahahaAnyway so Mdm Hafizah is still pregnant and she still has to deal with all these class stress... I rather she just quit ): It isn't worth her time. And reading her text to me, she has really tried all ways to confront JeremySmellyPig but none of it ever did worked. So she is seeking the class's help of not entertaining his disruptive behavior hoping over time his want for attention will die down.

But it really saddens me to realize that there are such useless people in life. Although I'm one to talk but i really hate it when the teachers are so nice to do everything out of good faith (Eg, bring her own alarm clock) but it is re-payed with such an ungrateful attitude (Eg, throwing the alarm clock into the girls toilet and blaming Park for it).

Although this is really mean, I really hope Jeremy retains a year or even gets expelled. This school is too good for him. The teachers are too nice. He shows such an ungrateful attitude towards it. One word, Disappointing.Anyway so I've discussed with Mdm Hafizah and we agreed to hold a meeting this monday mental break to discuss the seating arrangements and issues in class. hope everything goes well..Anyway CCA today was boring :P; I was playing guitar the whole time, not bothering to sing choral songs...

I ponned and went to check out the other cca orientations! (: But one thing is that there was this really stinky stench of fish oil in the toilet -_- English Drama ppl... dot dot dot haha. nvm So anyway I was texting too the whole cca :D haha boreed.So after that we had Batch dinner at KFC. Oh crap fats... :O I chionged home to record some song I heard on the radio this morning, Swear It Again - Westlife (: Im going to post it up :)

Dedicated to the person with a graze on the knee :( Get well soon! ^_^ It was pretty much impromptu so forgive me for the lousy quality ):

http://www.zshare.net/audio/990394430928d353/

^Link to my lousy cover :/ heehe

Finally decided to blog again...

2012-02-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

So yeah I've kinda gave up on blogging because I was too tired to continue. And life didn't really compel me to share my life experience. But anyway I'll share my miserable life with you...

So let's start from the beginning of school term. I was some really retarded loner kid in class and i didn't really know anyone. Yeah except Zech because he's from my cca! Probably the only person I'm close with. Then there's Zheng Jie the guy who is such a backstabber but I've got too fucking pissed with him. I'm totally ignoring people like him already. But alas I got through somehow... Maybe it was my awesome acting skills? Let me tell you I have split personalities. I can also be fucking scary at times. You would see me smiling but once you turn around I'll be at your back holding a dagger in hand ready to stab you anytime if you're not careful. Why? I've got a depressing social life experience before. So I kinda perfected the art of acting and showing different personalities. Want to know these two sides to me? :) alright.

When I just starting to get to know you I'll be really friendly until people might actually think I like you but of course this is just a masquerade. I will slowly get to know you and if i really like you i will be a little more open. If not, you will be a stranger to me. I'll be friendly yes but I will stab you anytime I feel its necessary to protect me and my friends :)

Then there's my quiet side where I'll be a lonertard for the whole day. People who see me would think I'm depressed or 'emo' but I'm just fking pissed and tired of the day and if you come near me I'll dao. Don't like me already? :b great thats what I want.

Honestly I would say I really would like to have real friends but the moment I make the first move to befriend you, you just show me why i shouldn't. It's so typical in life nowadays. Two-faced ass holes drove me to this. So if you ever see me, don't try and assume what I'm feeling cuz you'll never be able to do so.

So yeah that's me. Let me continue on my life.

I got into 3J which was was... I don't know actually. I have mixed feelings about this class. First of all, at least I got Zech whom's a great friend and I'm sure we'll be BFF if I started to open up... but that IF is too hard for me to accomplish... anyway, then there's the smelly pig Jeremy Lei. He thinks he's some big shot and always act 'beng'. As if girls are attracted to that. If they are well thats sad for them. He thinks he has abs when I clearly have more than his flabby belly. He keeps rolling his sleeves showing of his flabs in front of me. I feel so tempted to roll up mine instead just to show him what real muscle is. I'm just really annoyed at people who think they are all that when they are actually not.

haha on a side note, friends who read my blog (haha i doubt there are but) would start to contemplate in having me as a friend now and I totally understand cuz right now I'm a jerk. I want to be a jerk. Why? So that people would hate me. Why? So I won't fall in love, or trust someone too much. I have been too emotionally hurt too many times for myself to handle. I will only trust real friends from now on. So if you are just some two-faced bitch, nice to meet you :)

Anyway, on a general note I think this class is still acceptable. The only thing I'm unhappy about is (sorreh but I'm gona bitch on this blog cuz i can :O) Luke and Zheng Jie. Especially today they made the music teacher cry cuz of their frivolous attitude. I really pity Ms He... Me, john and the girls consoled her after lesson. I really hope she's okay ):

And there's the thing about Jeremy and Daryll always disrupting class. Like honestly, fuck you I want to fucking study so shut the fuck up before I fucking stuff a fucking dustbin up your fucked up ass. Yes I'm vulgar. In my head :O But I'm trying to change... hopefully...

OMG I HAVE TO STAY ON TOPIC SERIOUSLY!

So anyway the class elections I got Vice-Chairman. Which idiot nominated me that O: But anyway at least I get some power. And with power comes responsibilities. Now I'm in charge of discipline and order in class tgt with Ding En the Chairman. So I got to change! ): I got to be of a higher class. I can't drop down to Jeremy's level and shout vulgarities every second just to show his "beng"ness

So anyway start of school was kinda normal and it was EXTREMELY eventful... Especially for me. But it was bad for me.. yeah emotionally if you get it.

I used to have a friend... She was totally in sync with me. Gemini and Aquarius... hmm we had a lot of things in common and we could talk for hours! I was starting to change for the better. She really turned my life around literally. I started taking a more optimistic approach to life. I saw things with more meaning. I would finally find the motivation to do stuff that I never did like for example studying and stuff... Well you could say I'm a changed person now :)

But what happened after that? I really don't know what happened between us. I only remembered that one day...

A few weeks before then, we went for a movie tgt with some friends and went to arcade after that. Many things happened and ALTHOUGH I promised and swore I would not develop any feelings towards any girls as a New Year's resolution, somehow I was too attracted to her personality. As time passed I knew I had to stop or this might end badly. How? Too involved with a relationship, grades drop, 80% of 'O' level syllabus is not learnt and I would not succeed in the future. So what if i could get true love now? Even if it lasted forever how can I support a person I truely love without a steady income and such. So I held back my feelings.

Somehow though Zech kinda guessed and started spreading rumours that he THINK that I like this girl. But the thing is that a THINK can lead people to think that I REALLY DO like her. And this was apparently my greatest downfall in Sec3. This girl is surprisingly shy and I don't know why but she is really affected by jeers by classmates. So whenever Jeremy goes 'O hor Cher you say her name wrongly later Calvin whack you' she would cower her face. Although I am not affected, she is. Which is probably why I think she hates me now? Probably.

Sometimes I really wonder who my real friends are. Are they always beside me to support me? Do they do things that ruin my life? In short term, yes Zech did ruin my life for the first half where I would constantly go into my world of self depression and remorse on the happy events that happened before. But now as I think about it, he saved me. He saved me from being too over obsessed with her. He knew I was going overboard when he saw me doodling her name on my books. It was true though... In the early part of the run I would start studying etc but as the run continued i grew tired and found different sources of happiness. In this case it's her voice, her texts. Everything about her was my world and now it comes crumbling down to my feet.

I felt alone. I cursed God for not helping me. Why was I always this unlucky in life.

But now I found the way. God did not abandoned me. He gave me enlightenment. He showed me my true friends. Those are my beloved choir mates that were there for me when I was down. All of them would constantly text me at night to cheer me up. These are my true friends. These are the people whom I'm sure will still be there for me when I next fall.

I love God.

So after my saddening story, is probably where I am now... Let me continue on the more interesting parts of my school life. Soon after the class decoration for Chinese New Year, the next interesting event was the Sec3 CIP orange giving activity. I paired with Zech and Kai Yue for this activity. We went around giving oranges to random folks around the school and some even offered us tempting red packets! (: Unfortunately we weren't allowed to accept. It was against the rules and our morals. So anyway We started with 8 oranges. We visted around 10 units but only 2 were at home. One was a really nice auntie and the other was a skeptical young lady. She would constantly doubt our sincerity as to why we were doing this activity. Even though we explained to her it was to cultivate better relationships with the school and the neighborhood she would still think we were trying to get funds for the school and stuff. I really hate this kind of people. We showed sincerity by wishing them 'Happy Chinese New Year' they doubt us and say we were scamming her of money. What kind of logic is this?!

So anyway we gave 4 oranges in total. So what did we do with the remaining 4? :) hehe 2 was consumed by Zech, Kai Yue and me ^_^ Yummm and the other 2 was given to mr bennagi (I dunnoe how to speelll hehe :B)

Anyway soon after that Zech started bugging me to go for CCA but I really didn't want to go for 2 reasons.

1. The new choir juniors were.. just screwed up. Not just in terms of looks ( not saying I look tht handsome either ) but also there was one who was tone deaf. Literally. In a Cmaj scale we would sing (C.E.G.E.C) the arpeggio style warm up. He would sing (C#,Bb,G,B,D#)?? He totally can't pitch. And now my section leader is too lazy to train him that he is leaving him until the time I became section leader train him because I trained a previous tone deaf guy to a awesome singer now. I'm awesome but that's besides the point. I really can't bear to see choir deprove anymore. I used to be so happy to able to be in such a wonderful choir. But seeing how the current batch of seniors screwed it up, I really feel like walking up to the conducter and say, I can't bear to watch this anymore. I want to quit. We dropped from a honorary Gold-With-Honors choir to a mere Gold choir. People may say it's good but from my perspective, we could totally do much better. But I'm determined to pull our choir back up now. I won't give them rest until them achieve the sound I want. I WANT. I'm selfish. I want this choir to be improved so that I, I!! can finally feel the joy in singing in this wonderful choir again.

anyway,

2. I had a great opportunity to bond with the new friends I made! Why would you throw away such a perfect chance! We hardly know each other so I really want to try and get to know the people better so I can be a better V-Chairman in the future...

So anyway, Me, Zech, Qiqing ( i think ) kai yue, Charissa, Valery, Zi ying ( and some others i forgot :b ) stayed at the playground to recover our childhood :D we played fish out of water. It was like blind mice and catching. So whenever the catcher says FISH OUT OF WATER, he/she can open his/her eyes to look and catch ppl ^_^ it sounds complicated but it really isnt :) so anyway Zech and I were the only boys there. We kinda bullied the girls cuz.. Guys vs Girls.. a bit unfair uh haha :) anyway I really made some new friends i think? Valery is nice :) haha i dunnoe her tht well yet and theres the piggu Charissa :) We suddenly text a lot? haha Is tht a good thing? yay new friend ^_^

anyway so after that we went to buy drinks.. I got my awesome coffee which i didn't have for an extremely long period of time! Charissa and valery (or ziying? Grr lousy memory) i think gt some 2 for $2.50 apple or peach tea? :D haha I'm the expensice on who bought the $2.?? milk tea ^_^ oh shit i forgot to return zi ying her money :X okay I will return tml haha :B

So we went to CCA after that and sectionals was so bad that i ended up ponning it instead. The juniors were so disgusting! I could literally spit at their voices but that's just plain mean. I really want to find a date and help them improve their singing.

Anyway so that just brings me to normal school life. I've kinda covered the more interesting parts of my school life and I got all my stress relieved after bitching about those idiots who makes me so pissed. And erm Hello person who was waiting just to read this post :) hope your knee heals :)

So yeah that kinda marks the end of my school introductory post.. I'll try to update frequently haha and if you hate me after reading this post. sorry.

-LonerTard

5th and 6th day of christmas

2011-12-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't posted yesterday's post as I was too busy doing my sister's homework. What a good brother I am LOL (: anyway,

Pretty much nothing happened on Thursday since it was my piano tuition day... I practiced in the morning and had tuition in the afternoon. Quite simple. The only thing that was interesting was that my junior from primary school loves to spam texts to me! Haha :) well that was the only thing that kept my sanity even though it was kinda irritating when I was in the toilet hahas (:

Anyway's I spent the night mostly drawing my sister's homework. Took me 6 hours to complete only half ): The night kinda sucked because i pissed of Mocha. She was unusually irritable. It was so boring I was going to die but surprisingly my senior saved me (:

Xuanxuan (NN again :D) was surprising online at 3 in the morning and she claims to not have slept yet. Haha well anyway she started by saying, 'Hey I've noticed you look at soandso in a different way than others and was wondering if you like soandso :D' Haha what an awkward conversation... But as it progressed we shared even deeper secrets and get to know each other better. Not to mention Xuanxuan is heavenly horny >< she would go on about B* size and D* size and length and I would awkward and stone but haha omgosh too much information! But she is surprisingly sweet (: If she wasn't sec 3 I would've even considered her as my gf haha :D But alas I just call he Bebe now haha :B

Anyway we chatted until like 7 plus then she showered and had to go to school to help out in some OCIP thingy o_o I was surprised myself we managed to stay up talking for 4 hours! (:

Anyway she slept in school and i slept during lunch haha :D what a day (:

Soon later at night my sister came back and complained I did her hw wrongly. -__- damn annoying! Might as well do herself LOL anyway I helped her redo... Because I'm nice like that (: Well i played maple, singed until I had no more voice and played maple private servers haha! (: But still only completed 50% of her homework. Nvm we'll see what happens from now! (:

-LonerTard

Repost and bold what applies (:

2011-12-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

I have a bad temper.
I'm easy to get along with.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked
i drink coffee
I clean my room daily.
My appearance:
I wear make up
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
I wear contacts
i wear glasses.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I have a piercing
i have small feet
Relationships:
I’m in a relationship now.
I'm single
I'm crushin'
I've missed an ex before
I’m always scared of being hurt.
I've told someone i didn't love them when i did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight
Friendships:
I have a best friend
I have at least ten REAL friends.
I've gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend
I’ve beaten up a friend.
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
I can trust at least 5 people with my life.
Experiences:
I've taken a taxi
I've taken a city bus
I've taken a school bus
I've made a speech
I’ve been in some sort of club.
Music:
I listen to pop
I listen to techno
I listen to rock
I'm one of those people who will play songs repeatedly until i hate them
I download music
I buy CD’s.
Family Life:
I have at least one brother
I've sworn at my parents(not in th face luh LOL)
I’ve made my parents cry.
I've lied to my parents
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
Hair:
I've cut my hair in the past year
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red.
I use conditioner
I've curled my hair
I've straightened my hair

Emotional 4th day of christmas

2011-12-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well today was kinda boring :/ i read many Facebook posts like Jay's "same shit, different day" well i kinda agree though... It's just another holiday passed without me doing anything productive. Anyway I'll start from the beginning.

I woke up at like 12pm today and was so hungry! ): So i got up and cooked instant noodles (: The first one I cooked was Myojo brand ramen. Honestly it was really tasty! Mmm yummy (: but that alone did not satisfy my hunger so I ravaged for more instant noodles and i found this curry chicken flavored Maggy-Mee. I thought, "well no harm trying" so I cooked it and it tasted like shit.

It was sour and not even salty. The noodles tasted like the normal Maggy-Mee but the soup was awful! So i threw that bowl away. Next up I found this chicken flavored bee hoon so I cooked that instead and filled me up until now (:

Well anyway today wasn't productive at all as I said, but I finally reached the 2.147 billion mesos milestone on Maple story (: I was so happy! Ho ho well but besides that, nothing else was done ):

Since school is going to start soon, I went to cut my hair (: but it was a failure! I told the barber, cut normal slope, sideburns but don't f**king touch my fringe. He did exactly that but at the end he accidentally cut a part of my fringe away which made it looked shitty! So I had no choice but to ask him to even out the hair... Now it's so short TT FUGLY ARUGHHH

Anyway that's besides the point. Today was supposedly the release of the class channeling results day but apparently nothing was posted on the website <http://www.anglicanhigh.moe.edu.sg> lousy website :X ha ha

Well anyway while I was at the barber shop I heard this song which I'd heard when I was really young and the lyrics struck me. It was so sad that tears started forming when I heard this song. Past memories were clogging my head and now I can't feel happy anymore. I need a really big push just to go back in the right direction.

I hate how songs can change your mood so extravagantly. Anyway this are the lyrics,

LOVE ME by COLLIN RAYE

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923

Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me

He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,

Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together

Get married in the first town we came to and live forever

But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead

I found this letter, and this is what it said,

"If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me

I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then

Til I see you again

I'll be loving you

Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away

In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray

I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years

But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me

I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then

Til I see you again

I'll be loving you

Love, Me."

Anyway that's all for my emotional night :/ I just hope that she would finally notice that I do care for her and wants to be there for her whenever she needs me. That's all I pray for me ):

-LonerTard

Its so boring today

2011-12-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

Well it's the third day of christmas and time was spent sleeping it away ): i really need to start waking up early as school's starting really soon. Today I woke up really late like around 4pm ): I still had so much homework left to do but I haven't even touched them yet! Well I can kinda foresee that my first week of school will be spent apologizing to teachers for late submission of homework. Ha ha...

Anyway I was supposed to meet my friend today at 3pm today at coffee bean @E-hub but unfortunately I have this stupid homework ban which is like a ground until I've completed all my homework. This sucks... I have not completed reading my 2 Chinese books ): Well I gotta do what I gotta do (: I'm starting them soon!

Ever since I woke up I pretty much had nothing much to do so until my parents cam home I was utterly bored. I tried doing some handstand push-ups for fun, played piano, ran on treadmill even read a book -.- But i was seriously bored to death. I need to get out! ):

Anyway when my mom came back we tidied up my room and I found many missing treasures like my long lost guitar pick and my 1 year old sandwich :X I was thinking why my room always smelt like sausage :/ I guess i found my answer ha ha... Gross.

But after that I found something that was given to me when I was in secondary 1, it was a letter from God.

My Child,

You may not know me,

but I know everything about you.

Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,

for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth

and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented

by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,

but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child

and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless

as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you

with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,

you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you

than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you

in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,

I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,

I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away

every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain

you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you

even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,

not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression

of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved

that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,

you receive me.

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you

from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party

heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,

and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…

Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

It was a really meaningful letter that encouraged me to become a christian. I guess i could call this letter my invitation to Christianity, my passage to God. Anyway it was a really meaningful discovery, together with it I found all my past valentine notes and birthday cards... I gotta say I soon got sentimental and I really didn't want to separate from my class )': Unfortunately I took music and am probably going to be separated from all my friends soon. But that just means I'll have more opportunities to make friends... I hope they won't forget me ): So anyway I created Twitter ! (: add me (: CalvinLonerTard ha ha So yeah that was how my day went (:

Seeya ><

-LonerTard

2nd day of christmas and I'm so busy! (:

2011-12-26T03:30:00.001-08:00

Ha ha today is the second day of Christmas! Not to mention the most hectic! (: Yesterday I was up on blogger all night until 4am just to complete my first post! (: Well I've decided that I'll at least keep blogging until end of Christmas! (: why? Because it's Christmas! It's a good time to start blogging (: Anyway let's get on with the day...

I pretty much had quite a hectic day as I said before, I had the alarm set to 9am sharp as Shishi (So early and another nickname comes up... I must be addicted :D) said she would try to convince Domo to come by 10am to start baking! (: unfortunately she could not make it any earlier. So i woke up early for nothing! ): Aha at least i could bathe and get ready early. And on a side note, it was so cold after i showered! I won't usually feel the cold but I have no idea why today was any different! Well i guess your immune system has not recovered if you do not rest more than 8 hours, target today; sleep for at least 8 hours! Anyway back to the story, JiaJia was surprisingly on time (11.30am) although she was a few minutes late, that gave me ample time to buy the ingredients. 2 boxes of chocolate chips, all purpose flour and vanilla essence. Ha ha everyone was staring at me because rarely does a teenage boy comes down to buy groceries by himself. Well I'm honored thanks :3

After that JiaJia and I were waiting around the taxi stand for Shishi to come. Apparently her parents were fetching her to White sands so we thought she would be punctual. It turned out she was late by at least 20 minutes. It was the most awkward 20 minutes of my life, JiaJia just stood there texting on her cell and I mine. Then when Shishi finally come the conversation livened.. (: Well my EZ-link card was spoilt because the 2 sides peeled and now it can't work anymore! Unfortunately I forgotten to bring my EZ-Link card so i could not get the replacement together with Domo. (she lost hers) Ah well but the ride was so expensive! It usually is few cents on the student card but now without the student card it is like $1.10 per ride!! Omfgosh it's so expensive! ): stupid $.$ P.A.P.

Anyway after that we arrived at my house to start baking! The start was really awkward but as time passed by we had fun (: Here's a picture of the cookies we made (:

Ha ha the first batch was a little fail but alas it's sweet and edible! Yey~ ;3 ha ha ha (: By the way blogger takes ages to upload photos ):

well these aren't really chocolate chip cookies, they have pistachio nuts and berries in them! (: The flavor is extremely enlighting! It's very yummy! ha ha well after that I had to go to teach my pupils ): ah well it's called doing a good deed (: The three of us plus shortay ate in White sands for lunch (: Shishi wanted pepper lunch though but the rest of us wanted Malay food so it's 3 against 1 (: Malay food it is! (: Ha ha well those 3 gals discussed on what movie they wanted to watch after eating while I awkward in the corner, Jiajia emo in the corner too! Ha ha and Shishi and Shortay were talking about sick stuff in front of me when I was eating O: eee Ha ha must be the movie Final Destination III! She got horny :D ha ha joking ~~

Anyway after eating I had to go to my primary school to tutor some primary 5 students for next year PSLE. It was boring i admit ): ah well, after tutoring I went to expo to watch some pageant and bumped into Whitey! (nickname ;3 ha ha ha) So I gave her some cookies I made this morning as a Christmas present >< hoped she likes it ): Ahhh ha ha anyway i met her family there and her mom was so friendly! What a relief ha ha! (: She was all, "Hey I heard you sing during caroling night that day! Your voice is very nice!" I was so paisei and happy because i really thought i sucked ): thank you Whitey mom ha ha (: Well after that her mom was, "Okay so then we'll go back first so do you have money for dinner? You're going out with him right" Crap i think she misunderstood already D: Not that i mind :3 he he he but yeah sorry Whitey ): But her family was really nice (:

Anyway after that we went to some random restaurant in a newly opened shopping center opposite the MRT station in Expo. There weren't really much restaurants there but still I was rushing to find somewhere to eat cuz Whitey just finished performing and I bet she's already hungry :X kehhh Stress! Hahaha. So we ended up eating in some Japanese restaurant. She had this spicy mushroom ramen thingy and i had mushroom soup as I just eaten at Ananas Cafe (: She said it was too salty and so i offered my soup but she doesn't like mushroom. Omgosh you like brinjal but not mushroom haha (: anyway this was how she ate.

So waste food right? ): but nevermind luh i guess since it was too salty for her, can't blame her. But that restaurant had sucky service and only a pitiful 5 page menu ): What a sucky dinner... Haha whitey looks so pissed in the picture but actually i took too early when she havn't smile yet (: hehehe see bad habit text while eating ):

^__^

tsk tsk tsk haha (: then we had a conversation about other people crushes and how she's like some love consultant. Haha well it was fun and the best 2nd day of christmas ever! (;

So anyway after that I went back home not mentioning on the MRT Whitey almost fell >< ha ha I is her savior for that ride bwahahaha :D Oh yeah Whitey is the judge for the little kids pageant by the way! (: But a lousy judge ): every kid that perform she also giggle or laugh. So ebil haha (: nvm but they're cute i guess (: But this isn't the end!

When I returned back home I found a prezzie lying on my bed! Omgosh! >< It was from Jiajia (: first time I ever received a prezzie from a friend (: so happy haha

Anyway thank you Jiajia who gave me this cute gift >< Take the domo as a temp gift first! :D I'll get you a real Prezzie soon (:

Anyway that's probably all for my day (: Seeya everyone! Merry Christxmas

-LonerTard

It sucks to be caught in the middle

2011-12-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

How wonderful would it be if everyone could split into two, be at two places at the same time, do two things at the same time while focusing on each specific thing, fufil two wishes at the same time. Well it would be amazing if that could happen but unfortunately this is merely science fiction in the modern world.

Right now I'm stuck between two decisions, to fufil my good friend's wish to bake for a whole day while being an irresponsible tuition teacher and just cancelling lesson without even one day of notice, or to reject her and worsen our friendship and being a responsible teacher and continue lessons as normal. I am a responsible person and I know the correct decision is to continue with lessons as per normal, but this time is different. I don't know why but I feel that once I do this my friendship with Domo ( let's just call her this for now (: ) might break. I don't know why am I so pessimistic about friendship issues but either way I'm at a loss. I suggested to start earlier but I'm afraid it'll wont work out... somehow but alas i pray that everything will go smoothly tmr :)

Anyway I'm probably going to support my choir friend's performance after my lesson :) Mmm let's call this person Teddy :D ha ha well it seems Teddy is so famous because she won miss Singapore 2003 and Miss little Earth 2004 and a few pageants after that, not to mention she is talented in singing :) I want to try and support but It's like four hours of watching little small girls cat walking up and down the runway. But i guess it's worth it since Teddy's singing at the end of the thing (: She keeps telling me to just support her mentally but I have this feeling that I want to be there in person to support her. Oh my gosh what's wrong with me ): but anyway Teddy's says our choir conductor may be there too to support! Ha ha so looking forward to seeing Toaster ( nickname agn :D ) Teddy's mom and me standing awkwardly in the crowd! Ha ha! Though he'll probably leave early :X Ha ha but this Teddy doesn't know when to stop playing games and sleep :O since she has a performance the following day, she should sleep early right? Ha ha i guess Maple is too addictive once you get hooked :P

Okay beside's that I finally got my first pair of geek specs today! (: $12 at Marina Square! After that we went to celebrate my uncle's birthday at some Filipino restaurant (: I didn't really enjoy the food as it was really similar to the food in China, where the layer of fat is thicker than the layer of meat. It was so disgusting that I had to scrape every last bit of fat off the meat. So half my plate was pilled with scraped skin, fats and bones. I think I scraped until i had no more appetite to eat... Anyway the first day of Christmas sucked :/ Although i got like 18+ Christmas messages from friends, not to mention one of em was my CRUSH :D but apparently when i texted Toaster a Christmas wishing, he just ignored me! ): He replies girls but not boys! Arughh that biased piece of metal :X ha ha hope he's not reading :D anyway i doubt anyone would read so I'll type this happily (;

So anyway i missed the Maplestory event today because of tuition oh my gosh ): i could had won and Angelic Blessing Recipe Which is worth like 1.5 - 1.9 billion mesos! around 50 - 70 Singapore dollars! Stupid tuition! Arughh ):

Anyway our choir was caroling on Christmas Eve at the esplanade! It was so fun! Apart from the time when i had that stupid solo ): Oh my gosh I was so nervous and stressed because that stupid Toaster was like pressuring me before the performance!! Omg that idiot! ): I ended up shaking and i could not even hold the file properly! The student conductor at that time (I forgot who) was giggling at me and Toaster had that look on his face! ARUGHH bad memories ); I think i even broke during one of the high notes! But i was saved when PohPoh (I'm bad with nicknames :P) encouraged me >< Shankeuu! (: also i heard Teddy's mother said JiaYou o.o I was pretty sure she was looking in my direction when she said it but it could be that teddy was behind me... either way these two people saved me (: UNLIKE TOASTER WHO JUST STRESSED ME >( Anyway I was pretty demoralized after the performance but I'm so lucky to have great friends that encouraged me and cheered me up (: not to mention joke with! (: Thanks! Love you guys sec 2 AHS choir '11 with the addition of PohPoh (; But either way the caroling session was a blast! It was a huge success! Ha ha well it was a great day apart from the fact that my EZ-link card was spoilt :/ But mostly awesome! (; Okay so i think I'm done for today (: Nitez!
-LonerTard